“Would you have a great empire? Rule over yourself.“
Publius Syrus
How can I improve my personality?
In today’s society, having a captivating personality will greatly contribute to both your personal and professional success because charisma often surpasses mere physical appearances. While our personalities define our uniqueness, certain traits have the power to attract or repel others so we want to adopt attractive traits and let go of ones that do not serve us in our best life. So whether you’re starting a new chapter in life, seeking self-improvement, or aiming to be the best version of yourself, improving your personality will be a transformative and crucial journey. In this article, we’ll explore practical ways to enhance your personality and foster a more appealing presence without compromising on your authenticity and uniqueness.
1. Who are you?
“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”
Aristotle
I invite you to think deeply through the following prompts; feel free to grab a journal and a pen or open a note-taking app.
What are your core values?
Here’s a video I found really helpful in working out my core values by Unjaded Jade. (By the way I love Jade’s YouTube channel, it positively radiates with casual magic and wholesome vibes—definitely explore it later!)
What are your traits?
List your strengths and weaknesses—face your flaws—we all have them. Get as much clarity as you can about yourself right now.
A good idea may be asking or texting your close family members and friends what your strengths and weaknesses are. You may benefit from their perspectives so don’t feel afraid to ask! Some interesting conversations may even surface! (More on topics related to conversations if you keep reading.)
2. Observe others
Start observing people—not creepily!—everybody has their faults, quirks and virtues (even people you look up to), but everybody, at some point, has met someone who everyone just likes because they make everyone genuinely feel valuable and supported. Observe people like that; how are they admired by others? What are their virtues? How do they talk, sit and listen?
3. How do you make people feel?
Nobody cares about what you did or said…more than they cared about how you made them feel.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
MAYA ANGELOU
How you make people feel when they’re around you is the most important thing.
You want people to feel comfortable around you.
You want people to feel supported by you.
You want people to feel sincerely important to you, because everyone has something you can learn from—if only you’d see it, if only you’d hear it.
Make A Good Impression to Improve Your Personality
4. Mind your manners
Firstly, greet everyone you meet with a smile and shake hands or hug them if it’s comfortable to do so. This way, you will immediately be perceived as a more warm and friendly person.
Then, have good table manners: sit up straight, elbows off the table and don’t smack or slurp (unless you’re in Japan enjoying a delicious bowl of ramen where it’s customary lol).
5. Don’t make it about you
When meeting new people, don’t go on a soliloquy all about yourself; ask open-ended questions to understand that person better.
6. Keep your promises
Keeping your promises to someone shows that you are someone who they can trust and that you value them.[1] Be committed to others as you want others to be committed to you.
7. Offer your helping hand
Always show your support for the people around you as best as you can. Be humble and treat everyone with respect.
Even small, random acts of kindness can not only lifts up someone’s day, but make you be seen as a more kind and supportive person.
Don’t gossip about others or make fun of them behind their backs because jokes should only be funny to everyone.
Most importantly, know when you’ve crossed a line and apologise.
8. Make these things a habit
“Sow an action and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.”
Develop Charisma To Improve Your Personality
You know that person who everyone likes but everyone finds it hard to figure out exactly how they do it? That person who can just magically make the room feel warmer and brighter? The answer is charisma.
In an article from Psychology Today, Ronald E. Riggio, Ph.D, writes that:
“Personal charisma is a constellation of complex and sophisticated social and emotional skills. They allow charismatic individuals to affect and influence others at a deep emotional level, to communicate effectively with them, and to make strong interpersonal connections.”
Don’t worry, you won’t be kept in the dark if you’re not naturally a charismatic person. Charisma can be learnt by tweaking some things to your current behaviour. Charisma is not about who you are as a person, but rather the way you talk and act.
9. Work on your body language
Everything from the way you walk, talk, sit and eat leaves an impression on the people around you—mostly unconsciously. Maintain a focused eye contact when talking and listening. Walk with good posture, confidence and your head held high. Sit in a comfortable posture confidently and openly (don’t be afraid of taking up space). (And fake it till you make it.)
10. Confidence, not cockiness
“Cockiness brags to betray insecurities; confidence whispers with a wealth of wisdom.”
la vie en rose 💜 emily
Be self-assured without pretending that you are the smartest, best and strongest person in the room. Being confident intrinsically has nothing to do with any of that fluff; being confident is to be comfortable in your authentic, present self.
Once you accept that you are not that person…yet…allows you to intentionally take steps towards your vision. Improving your personality is a delicate dance; steps you take in striving to become your best self should be balanced with leaps you take in learning to love yourself. Be conscious of your weaknesses and work on them until they become strengths that fuel your confidence.
Hug yourself with motivational mindsets, encouragements and affirmations (here are some quote brews and affirmation potions I’ve collected to get you started ♡).
Improve Your Conversations to Improve Your Personality
Okay, you can be the smartest and most interesting person in the room, but if you can’t express your thoughts verbally, eloquently and confidently, NO-ONE WILL KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE SMARTEST AND MOST INTERESTING PERSON IN THE ROOM!!
11. Improve your listening
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
People will value those who listen to them with an undivided attention because it doesn’t usually occur in our modern-day society filled with distractions, phones and noise. So it’s the first step towards a more trusting relationship.
When you listen more attentively, people tend to open up to you about new possibilities and opportunities that may also benefit you. They may also share more personal thoughts or worries that allow for more meaningful conversations that allows you to connect more deeply with them.
If you’re interested in meaningful conversations, here’s another Unjaded Jade I love:
Listening also minimises the occurrences or impacts of misunderstandings and save you from many awkward and disastrous conversations in the future.
Ways to show that you’re listening carefully to someone is by asking relevant and thoughtful questions, occasionally nodding, maintaining eye contact and weaving and connecting what they’ve said with what you say.
12. Keep your eyes off of your phone!
This is literally the easiest way to pay more attention to those you’re talking to.
13. The conversation ratio
You should strive to listen 75% of the time and speak 25% of the time.
This allows you to learn more about the person you’re talking to and prevent you from making the conversation all about you.
14. The power of the 3SP
If you’ve observed highly charismatic people, you may have noticed that they often pause for three seconds before answering a question…the three-second pause.
To do this, you stay silent while keeping that eye contact for about three seconds, gather your thoughts, take a breath…and then you deliver a well-thought-out response. Which will also show self-assuredness.
15. Expand your knowledge
Your conversations reflect what you know. So don’t expect to have interesting and relevant discussions if your knowledge on interesting and relevant things is limited.
Ways you can expand your knowledge include:
- Reading regularly. And it doesn’t always have to be non-fiction books! According to the Harvard Business Review, “Recent research in neuroscience suggests that […] reading […] fiction helps people develop empathy, theory of mind, and critical thinking.” If you’re interested in anything wellness, living in your best life and “la vie en rose” related, I’ve organised my posts into 3 categories: “relax“, “explore” and “revive” for you (you can also find them if you scroll a little downwards in the homepage). (After you’ve read this of course!)
- Watching movies and documentaries.
- Engaging in more activities.
- Talk to different people.
- Travel.
16. Say your opinion
After expanding your knowledge, start forming your own judgements on important issues. We all have them so bring your unique perspectives to the table, contribute, speak up and debate with poise, reasoning and confidence—then you will not be easily forgotten afterwards.
Even if your ideas clash with other ideas, don’t be shy, share it without putting down those other ideas. For example, you could say: “Yes I liked your thoughts and another way we could view this is…”. This way, you’re acknowledging other people’s ideas while also adding to them. Try not to use “but” or “however” as they negate other people’s thoughts which may create some tension or may make the other person feel a little put down.
It’s important to add to the discussion, not take away from it.
17. Pass on praise and positivity
This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t give constructive criticisms, just that you should give it in a way that doesn’t put down others.
You can give constructive criticisms helpfully by passing on genuine praise when it’s deserved. So when you do give critical feedback, other people will value it, take it on and improve because they know that you have their best interests in mind.
Another point on praise is to congratulate people on their achievements without bragging and mentioning your own accomplishments. Remember: confidence is silent because it doesn’t need to prove its worth to anything or anyone.
Cultivating a more optimistic mindset will also make you more enjoyable to be around (we all know someone who’s constantly whining and whinging so we all know what being around them is like).
If you are that someone, I feel you and I got you. I also used to be a constant complainer, but it all changed when…I read The Obstacle Is The Way by Ryan Holiday. Honestly, that book changed my life (I know it sounds like an exaggeration, but please read it)! If you asked me what one book I’d want everyone in the world to read would be, I’d say The Obstacle Is The Way.
From the chapter called Finding the Opportunity:
“Of all the strategies we’ve talked about, this is the one you can always use. Everything can be flipped, seen with this kind of gaze: a piercing look that ignores the package and sees only the gift. Or we can fight it the entire way. The result is the same. The obstacle still exists. One just hurts less. What kind of idiot decides not to take it? Now we’re thankful for when people are:
—rude or disrespecful
They underestimate us. A huge advantage—conniving:
We won't have to apologize when we make an example out of them—critical or question our abilities:
Lower expectations are easier to exceed.—Lazy:
ryan holidayMakes whatever we accomplish seem all the more admirable."
(By the way, I have more Notion notes on it—so if anyone wants a shorter and condensed version of it, leave a comment about it below and if enough people are interested, I’ll share it!)
18. Choose your friends wisely
“You’re the average of the five people spend the most time with.”
Jim Rohn
This is because we get influenced by those around us because we’re wired to try and fit in with those around us. For example, if you spend a lot of time around pessimists, you’ll drown in their negative and doubting thoughts until that becomes your default way of thinking.
So surround yourself with people who inspire you and push you to be the best version of yourself. If you’ve liked this article so far and are interested in being the best version of yourself—join the T-3-2-1…LIFTOFF community! (See more about the email newsletter in the About page or at the bottom of this page where you can sign up.)
19. Be who you are
These tips help to improve your personality—not change it. Which is important because everyone has their special strengths that shouldn’t be hidden to fit in.
You do not want to the shadow of someone else—you want to be who you are.
“In the history of the universe, there has been nobody like you and to the infinity of time to come, there will be no one like you. You are original. You are rare. You are unique. Celebrate your Uniqueness.”
Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
love,
emily
